WHY IT'S GREAT TO BE A GUY...
Phone conversations last 30 seconds
You know useful stuff about
tanks and airplanes
A 5 day vacation requires
only one suitcase
Bathroom lines are 80% shorter
You can open all your own
Old friends don't give you
crap if you've lost or gained weight
When clicking through the
channels you don't have to stop on every shot of someone crying
You don't have to lug a bag
of "necessary" items with you everywhere you go
You can go to the bathroom
Your last name stays put
You can leave a hotel room
You can kill your own food
(but can you cook it??)
The garage is all yours
You get extra credit for
the slightest act of thoughtfulness
You see the humor in "Terms
You never have to clean the
toilet (or do)
You can be showered and ready
in 10 minutes
Wedding plans take care of
If someone forgets to invite
you to something, they can still be your friend
Your underwear costs $7.50
for a pack of 3
None of your co-workers have
the power to make you cry
You don't have to shave below
You don't have to curl up
next to some big, hairy guy every night
If you're 34 and single,
no one notices
Chocolate is just another
You can quietly enjoy a car
ride from the passenger seat (yeah right - do they ever let us drive??)
Flowers fix everything (or
You never have to worry about
Three pair of shoes are more
You can say anything and
not worry about what people think
You can whip your shirt off
on a hot day
Car mechanics tell you the
You don't give a flip if
someone doesn't notice your new haircut
You can watch a game in silence
for hours without your buddy thinking, "He must be mad at me"
One mood, all the time
You can admire Clint Eastwood
without having to starve yourself to look like him
Same work . . . more pay
Gray hair and wrinkles add
Wedding dress $2000, Tux
rental 100 bucks
You don't care if someone
is talking behind your back
You don't pass on the dessert
and then mooch off someone else's
If you retain water, it's
in a canteen
The remote is yours and yours
You need not pretend you're
"freshening up" when you go to the bathroom
If you don't call your buddy
when you said you would, he won't tell your friends you've changed
If another guy shows up at
the party in the same outfit, you might become lifelong buddies
The occasional well-rendered
belch is practically expected
If something mechanical didn't
work, you can bash it with a hammer and throw it across the room
New shoes don't cut, blister,
or mangle your feet
Give me a fish and I eat
for a day. Teach me to fish and I eat for a lifetime
Presents and cards for family/friends
birthdays, holidays and other occasions get magically wrapped
Holiday decorating somehow
appears and then disappears
A gourmet dinner is a pizza
with everything (and beer in a glass instead of the can)
Cleaning up after dinner
is putting the dishes in the sink
Cleaning up the house means
moving stuff from two small piles into one large pile
The refrigerator mysteriously
restocks itself with food
Remember it is sign of intelligence
to enjoy all that you do!
by Rev. Mitchell
Back to Top
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD HAVE...
One old love she can imagine
going back to... and one who reminds her how far she has come...
Enough money within her control
to move out and rent a place of her own... even if she never wants
to and needs to...
Something perfect to wear
if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...
A youth she's content to
A past juicy enough that
she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...
The realization that she
is actually going to have an old age and some money set aside to
A set of screwdrivers, a
cordless drill, and a black lace bra...
One friend who always makes
her laugh...and one who lets her cry...
A good piece of furniture
not previously owned by anyone else in her family...
Eight matching plates, wine
glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests
A resume that is not even
the slightest bit padded...
A feeling of control over
EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW...
How to fall in love without
How to quit a job, break
up with a lover, and confront a friend without ruining the friendship...
When to try harder...and
when to walk away...
How to have a good time at
a party she'd never choose to attend...
How to ask for what she wants
in a way that makes it most likely she'll get it...
That she can't change the
length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her
That her childhood may not
have been perfect... but its over...
What she would and wouldn't
do for love or more...
How to live alone...even
if she doesn't like it...
Whom she can trust, whom
she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally...
Where to go... be it to her
best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods...
When her soul needs soothing...
What she can and can't accomplish
in a day...a month...and a year...
by Marie Lusins, DGE 7170
Back to Top
A friend sent this, and I
think it's wonderful to share:
I had a very special teacher
in high school many years ago whose husband unexpectedly died suddenly
of a heart attack. About a week after his death, she shared some
of her insight with a classroom of students. As the late afternoon
sunlight came streaming in through the classroom windows and the
class was nearly over, she moved a few things aside on the edge
of her desk and sat down there.
With a gentle look of reflection
on her face, she paused and said, "Before class is over, I would
like to share with all of you a thought that is unrelated to class,
but which I feel is very important. Each of us is put here on earth
to learn, share, love, appreciate and give of ourselves ... and
none of us knows when this fantastic experience will end. It can
be taken away at any moment. Perhaps this is God's way of telling
us that we must make the most out of every single day,"
Her eyes beginning to water,
she went on, "So I would like you all to make me a promise... from
now on, on your way to school, or on your way home, find something
beautiful to notice. It doesn't have to be something you see - it
could be a scent - perhaps of freshly baked bread wafting out of
someone's house, or it could be the sound of the breeze slightly
rustling the leaves in the trees, or the way the morning light catches
one autumn leaf as it falls gently to the ground. Please, look for
these things, and cherish them.
For, although it may sound
trite to some, these things are the "stuff" of life. The little
things we are put here on earth to enjoy. The things we often take
for granted. The people in our lives we often take for granted...
assuming they'll always be there. We must make it important to notice
them, for at any time... it can all be taken away."
The class was completely
quiet. We all picked up our books and filed out of the room silently.
That afternoon, I noticed more things on my way home from school
than I had that whole semester. Every once in a while, I think of
that teacher and remember what an impression she made on all of
us, and I try to appreciate all of those things that sometimes we
all overlook. Take notice of something special you see on your lunch
hour today. Go barefoot, or walk on the beach at sunset. Stop off
on the way home tonight to get a double-dip ice cream cone.
Make sure you tell those
you love that you do. Take time be to with those who are important
to you. For as we get older, it is not the things we did or said
that we often regret, but the things we didn't do or say.
by Marlene Brown, D7150
Back to Top